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"I Didn't Realize We Were Passing on
the Cycle of Violence to Our Son"
 "Mary" was having an argument with her 9 year-old son, which had become
increasingly heated. What stopped Mary in her tracks was when her son
screamed to her to "shut up." When she told him he could not speak to
her that way, he looked at her and replied in a cold voice, "why not,
Dad treats you worse." Mary stated that she had never realized until
that moment that her son was totally aware of the fights and the verbal
and sometimes physical abuse that had been going on since he was born.
"The truth is I didn’t want to admit that he could be aware of it."
Mary contacted a United Way sponsored domestic violence program after
the incident with her son. After speaking to a program volunteer, Mary
became aware of the cycle of violence — that in fact she had witnessed
the same behavior from her own parents and that she and her husband were
unknowingly passing it on to their son. Once she became aware, she
realized that the family needed help and enrolled in the program. Mary
and her husband met other families who were experiencing the same
struggles. They also participated in individual counseling to better
understand the underlying issues behind the anger that was surfacing. In
addition, their son participated in a therapeutic children’s group in
order to develop better communication skills and appropriate responses
to his anger.
Mary, her husband and son are in the process of completing the program
and have learned more appropriate, non-abusive ways of communicating to
one another. "I didn’t realize that we were passing on the cycle of
violence to our son," Mary says, "but thanks to United Way, the cycle
ends right here."
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