Getting Results |
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 Success Stories |
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Success
Stories-Families
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Some stays at Sarah House are brief,
however, one is often still left with the lingering sense that our
purpose stood served. I think of Tom, his boy, and the smell of blooming
jacarandas. Tom’s wishes were clear - no hospitals, no heroic medical
interventions. Instead, Tom came to Sarah House to finish, as he simply
put it, “the work of life.” But as Tom reminded us, dying can be about
much more than just death. With only days left of life, he had let go of
his little cabin by the coast, let go of his handcrafted cabinets, his
music collection, and come to Sarah House with nothing but his son
Jesse. Estranged for over a decade, the two had only recently reunited
in hopes of recovering their family.
By the time Tom arrived he no longer desired food or nurses or
conversations, but came in need of a quiet refuge, a darken room, and
some gentle care. Within minutes of settling into his new room Tom was
asleep, but Jesse was left looking lost and all together overwhelmed.
Some staff sat down and slowly answered his questions, patiently
addressing each concern, every hypothetical. Jesse, also worried he
would have to leave at night, was overjoyed when a mattress was brought
in for him to sleep aside his father. We showed Jesse some basic
care giving he could do to keep his dad comfortable, like moistening his
mouth with a little sponge and slowly stretching his arms and legs. For
three days Jesse stood vigil over his dying father, retelling childhood
stories and old family memories. Jesse would also occasionally take out
Tom’s guitar and play songs he had taught him as a boy. Tom spoke little
but what he said are the sort of gifts that can only be shared in the
presence of death.
With Tom’s needs well attended to by Jesse our role at the house shifted
to supporting Jesse in the sacred work he was invested in. We brought
him club sandwiches and lemonade, we would check in with him when he
came out for more coffee or offer him an encouraging hug. Early on the
last morning while Tom was still asleep I found Jesse out collecting
jacaranda blooms. He told me how this was his first time with anyone
dying before and how grateful he was for the space to be with his dad
and this opportunity to restore their relationship. It is unfortunate
that our conventional medical approach to dying so often excludes family
from this meaningful experience. By inviting family and friends to
participate in the dying process, it seems Sarah House is helping to
change the character of death from a medical secret to a human
experience.
Later that afternoon Jesse emerged from Tom’s room with a shaky smile to
tell us calmly that his father had finished his work and had died. We
came around him in an embrace and told him how incredible they both had
been. We poured tea and began listening to Jesse tell the story. As he
tells it he was afraid to return home when he first heard his dad was
dying, how he had pictured intensive care units, sterile waiting rooms,
and faceless machines. “But this was not a horror show,” Jesse says over
a sip of his tea, “this is a scene of indescribable peace. It was all so
effortless, like an ice cube melting into a glass of water. I never
imagined death could be beautiful.” The stories of Sarah House are the
simple stories of giving and receiving of human love.
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